As soon as I found out I was expecting, I did everything I could to get as much support as was humanely possible, to make sure the baby and I were going to be safe. Within minutes of finding out, I was on the ball, calling my doctor’s surgery, the midwife number, my M.E. doctor, before I told anyone else.
On the outside, I was as calm as a cucumber. On the inside, I was a bundle of nerves. My thoughts were a jumbled mess. It was weird because I felt completely out of control, as if I was been thrown into the deep end and I didn’t know how to swim. Interestingly, finding out that I was pregnant, didn’t feel like I thought it would feel or how it looks in the movies. My first reaction was fear but I knew that in time I would feel better about the situation. The only problem was, it got worse.
Basically what all women forget to tell you when you find out your expecting, is how scary it is to go through. Due to pregnancy hormones, my M.E. started to improve a bit, yet my mental state seemed to get worse. I couldn’t understand it, as I had fought many years to get to a place where my M.E. was actually improving, and I had yearned to have the opportunity to have a child. Should I not be feeling incredibly lucky, when so many people don’t get a chance because chronic health stops them?
The only reason I am writing this blog on this subject, is because I think more women need to be honest about their reality of pregnancy. For some women, it is a piece of cake. Others may find it stressful, and some don’t cope at all. Yet, we barely hear about those who really struggle because it should be something that you are happy with. I wouldn’t say that I have been completely not coping, I have just found it a lot more stressful than I thought it would be.
My GP went above and beyond to help me when I first saw her, on the same day that I found out. She wrote letters to the heads of departments, to neurologist, midwives, and the obstetricians. She got answers to everything that I needed. When I first met the consultant obstetrician that was going to be looking after me, my mind was at rest. However, all the things that he had said would go into place, didn’t materialise. I was meant to get some psychological support to help me, as I was coming off so many medications. This never happened. I was meant to be having more scans and appointments with the obstetrician to keep a good eye on me. I did have another appointment with the obstetrician but unfortunately, I saw one of his junior colleagues and she didn’t have a clue. I went from feeling like there was a plan, to everything being up in the air, as she went against everything that the consultant had said previously.
After trying to keep myself going for a further ten weeks with no support, I felt that I should try and reach out to my original consultant. I was sick of struggling and not feeling like myself. After I had sent the email, it took under 24 hours for everything to be sorted. They were amazing! I have an appointment with the original obstetrician in a week and feels like they are listening. The receptionist who rang me to arrange the appointment said that she wanted to say ‘well done’ for having the courage to speak up.
It is important to talk about how you are feeling, chronic health or not.
You are not alone.