At some point, everyone finds life’s challenges too much and Friday evening was my turn (a week ago, it takes me a while to write these blogs). I’m not going to shy away from this subject because I think it’s important to realise that it’s only natural to feel like this once in a while and that is ok.
That moment when you scroll through your Facebook page and see that most of the girls you went to school with either a) have a child/ren b) have a mortgage to their first home and c) have basically travelled the world. At first I got upset that M.E. had taken so much of my childhood and was now slowly eating up my adulthood. Then I raged a bit at the injustice of not being able to live to the potential I’ve always wanted to. I cried at the fact my friends had all in their own way moved on, whether it be because they had different priorities with new babies etc. This is what ME takes from you. The social human connection with people.
I stopped for a bit and reflected. It sounds stupid but I don’t think I would be doing all the things I am now fulfilling, if I hadn’t become ill in the first place. This may seem like an odd thought but for me it’s true. I have always had a drive and a ‘joive de vivre’ for life, complete with a curiosity of the world as a whole. I remember speaking to one of the people who was helping me get to grips with pacing, explaining to her that I didn’t want these years to be forgotten and lost years. That was my fear and still is.
Yet, after I remembered this conversation, I wished I could do a Rafiki from Lion King and hit some sense into my head! It is true, I’ve lost a lot of things but four years ago, I could not even sit up on my own, I couldn’t even feel how tall I was! Life was very different then, it still is different now. Maybe my journey will be a more solitary one, without the ‘girls holidays’ or the social and very human connection I crave and that’s ok. It just doesn’t feel it everyday.
If you have a friend who suffers from an invisible disease, please don’t forget them. Talk to them, text them even if you don’t always get a response. Even if that person is unable to tolerate visits. To know that you are cared for and loved by other people means the world to someone who isn’t leading an active life or has a lot of days where they spend their lives on their own.
It is just a text.
Top 10 UK CFS Blogs and Websites in 2018 (Chronic Fatigue Syndrome Blogs)
After writing this I received a email informing me I’ve been selected by blog.feedspot.com as one of the Top 10 UK CFS blogs on the web 2018.
Thank you to the panellist for voting me No.5
Dear Jay,
you have such a mature attitude. Even the horrible events shapes our identity and can let us develop something rare and unique. Yes, it is saddening not being able to do thinks you wish for and live like your peers. But it is not stupid at all to think that you are are achieving something different and unique “thanks to” your illness. I have to say you have achieved so much more in terms on inspiring and affecting lives of others in a possitive ways than a lot of healthy people, including me. Not to mention you wrote and published a book at your age. Really admire your spirit.
I had neglected the visits on your blog for some time, as well as my friends in offline world, immersed in my own petty bubble of dispair (silly, I know), a little shut down. As of now I am trying to go back on track with many thinks and don´t know how it will turn out. But you are not forgotten at all, I am keeping you in my mind and sometimes the thoughts about your life and bravery helps me in many ways.
Congratulation on the blog nominations 🙂
I´ll be back 😉
Yes how well said. I think about you a lot Jessica, and you also give me strength in more ways than you think. Writing a book at your age is a great feat . You are certainly not forgotten from me aswell,in fact I want to quite a lot how you are doing.